Made a list of all the places and things and songs and references I will have to avoid/ignore/forget.
So, basically, bring me a coffee (just not from Ella's, or Tims, or Ezra's, or White Squirrel or the padaria or Golden Wheat) because I can't really leave my room and especially not to go to Christie Pitts in the night time (never tracing footsteps in the snow) and not Hogtown Vegan ("you speak like how books are written, I could listen to you forever"), nor to any of the bookstores along College or in the market ("i know you want to, come on, lets go//you don't neeeeeeeed anything//oh hay! look at this!") or to Roxton St ("gimme yer paw//you have such little feet"), no more Human Planet ("you sit and have these cookies and look at the internet, I'll be right back and we'll win the hockey game and then watch Jungle episode"), no morning smoothies (Natures candy! The one Seinfeld reference I've ever understood), no perfectly round eggs, no greasy diner kitchen, no sitting in the back booth and laughing, heads bowed together until all the lights are up, our initials carved into yet another spot. Never the County General ("you're going to take this picture, like thiiiiiiis...and then this one...and then combine them in PicFrame and its our first instagram!"), no random shouting of answers ("BLUE!") or snowball fights along College, no snow angels and thank yous, no reading in bed, chest forest and nubby pony, morning breeze and tiny baby furnaces, shoe shopping and perpetual nose blowing, laying for hour after hour after hour in the grass, making up two-person baseball, running along the beach and diving after everything, sangria afternoons, playing cards into the night and listening to the calm, the quiet. fireworks from every direction and trying to find the constellations, you so proud of every meal you made, of every step towards growth. addicted to pastries so how fun was it to always bring them home, your olive branch fruit tarts. legs for years and years and torso to climb, waiting for deer in the field, chasing the Northern Lights out of the city, the cadence of your voice. Let me tell ya, ray!
And it doesn't matter how many of these tiny memories I vomit onto this stupid thing, because they're gone and you took them and I don't know why.
Very Carrie-in-Mexico, I haven't left my bed since Thursday and it doesn't appear I'll be leaving it before this next one.
#melodramz #heartbreak #theysayitgetseasier