If I had a dollar for every thing I didn't care about, I would have seventy nine bajillion trillion dollars.

Re: meteorologists rate of accuracy.

"In what other job can you be wrong all the time and still considered a professional?"

"I don't know, psychics?"

Totally kidding you guys

Since watching As Good As It Gets, Juelz and I have been considering developing neuroses together. 

I am about to get stoned and go to Dollarama, which is to say, heaven. 

different days, different beaches

"A wheel of fortune of emotions".

I'm out of juice? There is no juice in my house? Is this a joke? Is this some kind of a prank my fridge is playing on me? Some funny ha-ha?

Is it weird to tell someone you're excited to sleep with them? I really don't know how to be single, but I feel like that's flattering and not weird? 

I don't know. It worked, so, whatever, I guess. 

In two months I'll be publishing a beginners guide to casual sex etiquette, probably.

Cottage living, napping on top of a fish, within reach of Palm Bay and my coffee.

Well, someone needs to think I'm funny.

here goes nothin'

Goodbye gluten, dairy, chronic. 

hello (in a month), former glory.

Maybe I'm just going to drink an entire pot of coffee while listening to Jay-Z and lounge around in my underwear for 6 hours before work, and we'll call that "working out and cleaning the house".


In the eternal words of Tom Petty...I need a big weekend.

Oh my gosh, if you have not listened to the new Jimmy Eat World album (and furthermore are not SO in love with it), you are a total mental crazy person and I can't even speak to you anymore.

I'm obsessed with snapchat, but only because it reminds me of MS Paint.

Tuesdays with Molly,

We lay on my roof and held hands, picking out shapes in the clouds. A baby girl T. rex in a skirt, a sinister lion or three.  When the cloud cover blew we found the constellations, still hand holding, and then to the park, for more laying.

Under the stars, under your arms.

"We need to travel out into the world---"

"...we have walked around the corner from my house."

I wish that there were a way to explain to Juelz that she smells like a herd of sopping wet bison and THAT is why she has to go in the tub - I fear she thinks I derive pleasure from torturing her with a bath.

OH GAHD ITS SO CUTE

http://ilovewildfox.com/iloveyouwildfox/2013/5/23/always-be-my-baby.html

http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/murad-osmann-follow-me-to

Those who can't do, teach. Those who can't wed, model wedding dresses.